A Family Affair

This week I took a little longer to write my blog because I had a lot of soul searching to do...in 48 hours. This week my thoughts have been all about family. I saw this image of my family circa 1986 a.d. and it brought back so many fond memories of my childhood. Yes, unfortunately that is me with the soul glo curl in the back row. It was great being raised around a big family. Every Sunday we would go to sunday school, then attend church and after we would go to my great-grandmother's home (who was 86 at the time -- she looks so young here!). We'd eat dinner, play with the neighborhood kids or watch MTV, whichever event was more exciting at that moment or conducive to the weather.

Now I'm forced to think about starting my own family and adding some munchkins to the bigger picture, that being my families legacy. I've been beating the boys away with a stick trying to take my time and make the right decisions about starting my own family, but let's face it, I'm not getting any younger. It's time to get serious about this.

I met with a fertility specialist, Dr. Garcia, on Monday to discuss the chances of me conceiving after the transplant. He confirmed I will go through menopause after my chemotherapy. Insert deep heartbreaking breath. Talk about a dealbreaker. He then consulted ways I can save eggs and conceive in a couple of years, once I'm ready. I must make a decision by this week so I can start the hormone treatments and take the next two months to save as many eggs as I can. That means I will not start my transplant procedure until I've completed my fertility treatments, which puts me around mid-June.

I spoke with a friend about this and my tone at the time was, "Is this all worth it?" He spoke of a funny, but appropriate, story of a man who had a bump on his nose and he thought it was the most hideous thing in the world. He went to see a plastic surgeon to fix it, only to have his nose so butchered by the surgeon, that he had to get 6 more additional surgeries. In the end, he ended up looking worse after the surgeries than when he started with one little bump. That's what I've been contemplating. Is it worth it to go through all of this to cure myself of SCA when I risk losing so many other things? I gave it to God and let it go. Today my heart says to go forward. So now I will prepare to save little Sarah Elizabeth and Abraham -- yes I've named them. I always adored these biblical names and Elizabeth is a family name. They say if you name something, it makes it more real. I'm just so happy that I did the research and will still have the opportunity to have children.

Thank you for reading.

Peace and blessings,

C. Madry

Be Optimistic

I purchased this song from iTunes in December and I might have listened to it 300 times since. I must be hoping to manifest the power of words and thoughts, this week more than ever. Since last Monday, I was overwhelmed with the insurance approval process and the burden of still trying to find 24/7 care. My brother commited himself to Mondays, but he had some bad luck this past weekend and I can't count him in to be there anymore. In addition to that, if he comes back as the best match for a donor, things will really get complicated. If this is a testament to me being too independent and appreciative of solitude, I get it. Sometimes it is imperative to ask for help or to be part of a community based group or church. In times like these, I'm learning that lesson well.

Over the weekend, I visited my BFF from Hampton to celebrate her 30th birthday in North Carolina, making one of my last trips before the transplant. It's true what they say, southern boys are very hospitable and my ego had a good boost before the aesthetic nightmare I'm about to endure. Good times Annise! I hope to see her soon. I believe at this point I have made a point to see everyone in my life and I've had a ball reflecting on the past decade. What a great time I have had!

During my travels, I took some time to catch up with Pam Newton, the only person to have been cured by this whole process and our conversation was insightful. I was given a book by my BMT counselor and in it, I was reading about side effects, the ones that will most likely happen (temporary hair loss, nausea and fatigue), side effects that might occur (infertility and nerve damage) and side effects that are least likely to occur (gvhd or graft v. host disease and organ damage). I wanted to get Pam's feedback on her experience. Bearing in my mind that Pam was quite sick before her transplant, living in the hospital and quite close to death, she said after the transplant she was sick some days and okay for others. My biggest concern was the question of infertility but she advised it was not something she inquired about. Before I get too anxious, I will look into this matter with Dr. Brodsky. Maybe I'll freeze some eggs or maybe it just won't be that relevant since I'm only thirty...I mean twenty-five. :0) If Nadya Sulaman did it 14 times, there should be hope for me. Or I could always follow Angelina's lead and adopt a child from each continent. Either way, I'm optimistic.

We also spoke, again, about the amount of time this process truly entails and she reiterated approximately 6 months. She said I may be discharged 2 weeks after the actual transplant or it might be 4 weeks, but I will need to wear the mask (and anyone who visits will have to as well) for approximately 6 months, until my immune system regenerates itself. She advised to simply be patient, exercise daily and stay optimistic.

By my next entry, I should know the donor and have some better news, my 24/7 care will be finalized and insurance will be approved. And that my friend is what I call optimism.

Enjoy St. Patrick's Day!

Peace and blessings,

Christina