Wall by Tate Modern
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday, January 25, 2010
Friday, November 6, 2009
In and (I'm) Out
Dear chemo side effects:
Please go away.
Sincerely,
Christina
The lethargy has set in amongst other side effects. I still can't tell you what my results of my 90 day tests are because I was not able to see my doctor yesterday and we discovered they didn't even run the damn test two weeks ago. I was feeling bad the past couple of weeks, Sickle Cell bad, and believed I was not cured. If you remember an earlier post in which I explained hematocrit and hemoglobin numbers, with mine running low due to having Sickle Cell disease, I am using those numbers to determine my fate. The hematocrit and hemoglobin are running normal, as in for 'a person who does not produce Sickle Cells normal' so this is the only news I need. Well, not the only news, but I think it is significant. Here I stand, 113 days post-transplant, and I'm still producing healthy red blood cells. Old me hematocrit was 8, new me hematocrit is 13. Old me hemoglobin was 22, new me hemoglobin is 38. You connect the dots.
Now, I'm hoping to consult with Dr. Brodsky next week to determine if I can still go to London or if I have to postpone my acceptance for a year. I received my official letter of unconditional acceptance to Central's to apply for my visa to the U.K. I held it above my head and prayed to the Gods while doing a native dance. Filling out that application is interesting; they asked me everything but my hip size. I also sent in my housing request.
I wanted to share something I learned about myself this week. First I need you to watch this :48 second video.
My sister has always been a fan of Vernon Jordan, and he frequently speaks at Howard University chapel, my mothers alma mater that she dials into on the radio most Sundays. Even further into this interview he talks about leaving the Urban League to go underground to practice law then coming back into existence for the Clinton Administration. "I sort of like the in and out process" is what he said with a sly look.
It's now my time to go underground or 'out' for a while and 'go for it' as Vernon's mom encouraged him to do. If you know me personally, I'm just a phone call or train ride away. If you want to know my progress (or fingers crossed) my new zip code and when to book your flight. Now, because you can visit, I no longer need to maintain this blog and I will focus further on the documentary. I thank you for reading, understanding and praying for me during this entire process.
Peace and blessings, kisses and hugs,
Christina Madry
Please go away.
Sincerely,
Christina
The lethargy has set in amongst other side effects. I still can't tell you what my results of my 90 day tests are because I was not able to see my doctor yesterday and we discovered they didn't even run the damn test two weeks ago. I was feeling bad the past couple of weeks, Sickle Cell bad, and believed I was not cured. If you remember an earlier post in which I explained hematocrit and hemoglobin numbers, with mine running low due to having Sickle Cell disease, I am using those numbers to determine my fate. The hematocrit and hemoglobin are running normal, as in for 'a person who does not produce Sickle Cells normal' so this is the only news I need. Well, not the only news, but I think it is significant. Here I stand, 113 days post-transplant, and I'm still producing healthy red blood cells. Old me hematocrit was 8, new me hematocrit is 13. Old me hemoglobin was 22, new me hemoglobin is 38. You connect the dots.
Now, I'm hoping to consult with Dr. Brodsky next week to determine if I can still go to London or if I have to postpone my acceptance for a year. I received my official letter of unconditional acceptance to Central's to apply for my visa to the U.K. I held it above my head and prayed to the Gods while doing a native dance. Filling out that application is interesting; they asked me everything but my hip size. I also sent in my housing request.
I wanted to share something I learned about myself this week. First I need you to watch this :48 second video.
My sister has always been a fan of Vernon Jordan, and he frequently speaks at Howard University chapel, my mothers alma mater that she dials into on the radio most Sundays. Even further into this interview he talks about leaving the Urban League to go underground to practice law then coming back into existence for the Clinton Administration. "I sort of like the in and out process" is what he said with a sly look.
It's now my time to go underground or 'out' for a while and 'go for it' as Vernon's mom encouraged him to do. If you know me personally, I'm just a phone call or train ride away. If you want to know my progress (or fingers crossed) my new zip code and when to book your flight. Now, because you can visit, I no longer need to maintain this blog and I will focus further on the documentary. I thank you for reading, understanding and praying for me during this entire process.
Peace and blessings, kisses and hugs,
Christina Madry
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Love does conquer all
I remember vividly from the time I was a toddler to around the age of 7, I would hug my grandmother every night before I went to bed. Sometimes I would hug my mother but she was never really receptive to it. Then around 8 or 9 it ended permanently with my mother, don't even think about it. I remember this vividly.
Then I went to Hampton University where, from day one, we (as in the student body) hugged. My sister went there as well so we even hugged! We were a family at HU and families hug, we don't shake hands. Then I moved to New York where everyone suggested hugging is for friends, don't take it personal, its just business -- so I stopped hugging and strengthened my hand shake.
Next I became a young woman and wanted my first impression to embody sophistication, so I began to offer my hand to gentlemen. I wanted to reinforce the fact that I am not a man and intimacy is still important to me.
I revisited Steinbeck for a couple of years during my second stint in New York: Grapes of Wrath and East of Eden. No one hugged in a Steinbeck world, tough love is the foundation of working class American families. When Tommy returned home from prison after 4 years, his family was so happy to see him, but not one hug -- not one.
I moved to Paris and a kiss on each cheek is de rigeur. Big kiss (Gros Bisous!) is what Corinne (the stylist I worked for) would say to me when she would end a conversation over the phone.
Bisous,
C. Madry
is how I began to present my valediction. It is ever present in every part of their culture as seen here with Michelle Obama and Carla Bruni. A handshake or offer of the hand seemed unapologetically American. Upon my return to America and the handshake, my brother, a new student of islam, taught me its considered disgusting to offer the right hand because "you wipe your ass with it". UGH!!! Sad but he had a point.
Then I saw Larry David on Joy Behar and he reinforced this notion, he said: "there was no hugging (60 years ago)! Only watching."
So I've asked the question: do I know what intimacy or love is and better yet, am I vulnerable enough in my life to love someone? I am the first to admit I have not been in a committed relationship in years, yet in my work I seek to create fashion art with the most vulnerable photographers and models I can find.
My New Golden Rule: Love does conquer all
I don't care what Harvie Krumpet or some of my friends have advised. It is the golden rule and comes before #586, so take that Harvie. Love is the panacea and upon it I will build my character and work through my maladies.
Maybe I've been listening to far too much Corneille on my iPOD lately. I mean, how can you not feel great after knowing his story and hearing the song "A man of this world" or "Back to life"? Or maybe Hollywood just restored a part of my soul, the part that lost this basic concept when I first had my heart broken. I just saw 'Seven Pounds' and wow, what a great movie. The similarities between the character Emily and myself are uncanny. I couldn't stop crying!
I shared a story with a friend the other day, about the kindness of others and how it has been my mission since the days of going to iPOP to do something nice for someone every single day. What inspired me? After chemo, there are several side effects beyond the typical loss of hair and digestive issues so commonly discussed. One of those is temperature, you're always cold. I mean, it feels like you're walking around in a freezer -- and I had my chemo in the summer. There was a particular lady who was going through her 5th round of chemo and, poor thing, she would sit in her wheelchair with 2 blankets, sweaters, sweats, her chemo cap and furry boots or slippers. While she waited, she would sometimes request to wait outside of the hospital -- in 90 degrees. Yes, that cold. Anyway, there is a group of knitters who do about 15 knit caps every week and sit them in the computer/game room with a note attached. It simply says this:
That simple gesture touched my heart. Even after I took a hat to wear, whenever I would sit in that room, I would look at the hats and smile. I took the tag off of mine and wrote on the back: "Remember, do something nice for someone today" and placed it on my storage cabin in my bathroom. That way I'm reminded to do so in the morning when I start my day. Trust me, it's much easier said than done, especially when you have friends as giving as mine.
I also realized I've never been in love. I thought I had, but I now know there is a big difference between infatuation or the idea of being with someone, than really loving someone for who they are and because you have it in your heart to give. The vulnerability it takes to love is something I've lacked for a while now, but I'm working on it. I think if I do, it will manifest itself in my work as well. There is one person in my life who I have consistently been vulnerable with and the reward has been so much greater than I could have imagined. The reward wasn't tangible, the reward was the act of showing up in our friendship. I believe it has been the source of my sudden motivation to jump back into photo shoots. So I will begin to work again, work as in styling, and that will be my litmus test. Look out for the launch of my site again by late spring 2010 and you be the judge.
I had my 90 day post-transplant tests taken last Thursday, on day 91. I didn't make it my status on fb or send out a "Pay attention to me!" email or blog because I still need some loner time to digest what the doctors are about to tell me. I'm so anxious and have dreaded updating my blog. I've even masked the observation of it underneath paragraphs of love hoping my readers will be bored by the time they get to it. This week and next will prove to be a very, very emotional week, but I will share the news with you when I can. I gave birth days ago, now I'm just waiting to see if it's a healthy boy or girl. This is the moment I've been waiting for. This is it...
I thank you for reading.
Peace and blessings,
Christina Madry
Then I went to Hampton University where, from day one, we (as in the student body) hugged. My sister went there as well so we even hugged! We were a family at HU and families hug, we don't shake hands. Then I moved to New York where everyone suggested hugging is for friends, don't take it personal, its just business -- so I stopped hugging and strengthened my hand shake.
I revisited Steinbeck for a couple of years during my second stint in New York: Grapes of Wrath and East of Eden. No one hugged in a Steinbeck world, tough love is the foundation of working class American families. When Tommy returned home from prison after 4 years, his family was so happy to see him, but not one hug -- not one.
Bisous,
C. Madry
is how I began to present my valediction. It is ever present in every part of their culture as seen here with Michelle Obama and Carla Bruni. A handshake or offer of the hand seemed unapologetically American. Upon my return to America and the handshake, my brother, a new student of islam, taught me its considered disgusting to offer the right hand because "you wipe your ass with it". UGH!!! Sad but he had a point.
Then I saw Larry David on Joy Behar and he reinforced this notion, he said: "there was no hugging (60 years ago)! Only watching."
So I've asked the question: do I know what intimacy or love is and better yet, am I vulnerable enough in my life to love someone? I am the first to admit I have not been in a committed relationship in years, yet in my work I seek to create fashion art with the most vulnerable photographers and models I can find.
My New Golden Rule: Love does conquer all
I don't care what Harvie Krumpet or some of my friends have advised. It is the golden rule and comes before #586, so take that Harvie. Love is the panacea and upon it I will build my character and work through my maladies.
Maybe I've been listening to far too much Corneille on my iPOD lately. I mean, how can you not feel great after knowing his story and hearing the song "A man of this world" or "Back to life"? Or maybe Hollywood just restored a part of my soul, the part that lost this basic concept when I first had my heart broken. I just saw 'Seven Pounds' and wow, what a great movie. The similarities between the character Emily and myself are uncanny. I couldn't stop crying!
I shared a story with a friend the other day, about the kindness of others and how it has been my mission since the days of going to iPOP to do something nice for someone every single day. What inspired me? After chemo, there are several side effects beyond the typical loss of hair and digestive issues so commonly discussed. One of those is temperature, you're always cold. I mean, it feels like you're walking around in a freezer -- and I had my chemo in the summer. There was a particular lady who was going through her 5th round of chemo and, poor thing, she would sit in her wheelchair with 2 blankets, sweaters, sweats, her chemo cap and furry boots or slippers. While she waited, she would sometimes request to wait outside of the hospital -- in 90 degrees. Yes, that cold. Anyway, there is a group of knitters who do about 15 knit caps every week and sit them in the computer/game room with a note attached. It simply says this:
Head Huggers
This cap was handmade just for you.
Head Huggers is a network of people from ages 10-something to 90-something
who knit, crochet and sew chemo caps to give away. It really is just that
simple.
This cap was handmade just for you.
Head Huggers is a network of people from ages 10-something to 90-something
who knit, crochet and sew chemo caps to give away. It really is just that
simple.
That simple gesture touched my heart. Even after I took a hat to wear, whenever I would sit in that room, I would look at the hats and smile. I took the tag off of mine and wrote on the back: "Remember, do something nice for someone today" and placed it on my storage cabin in my bathroom. That way I'm reminded to do so in the morning when I start my day. Trust me, it's much easier said than done, especially when you have friends as giving as mine.
I also realized I've never been in love. I thought I had, but I now know there is a big difference between infatuation or the idea of being with someone, than really loving someone for who they are and because you have it in your heart to give. The vulnerability it takes to love is something I've lacked for a while now, but I'm working on it. I think if I do, it will manifest itself in my work as well. There is one person in my life who I have consistently been vulnerable with and the reward has been so much greater than I could have imagined. The reward wasn't tangible, the reward was the act of showing up in our friendship. I believe it has been the source of my sudden motivation to jump back into photo shoots. So I will begin to work again, work as in styling, and that will be my litmus test. Look out for the launch of my site again by late spring 2010 and you be the judge.
I had my 90 day post-transplant tests taken last Thursday, on day 91. I didn't make it my status on fb or send out a "Pay attention to me!" email or blog because I still need some loner time to digest what the doctors are about to tell me. I'm so anxious and have dreaded updating my blog. I've even masked the observation of it underneath paragraphs of love hoping my readers will be bored by the time they get to it. This week and next will prove to be a very, very emotional week, but I will share the news with you when I can. I gave birth days ago, now I'm just waiting to see if it's a healthy boy or girl. This is the moment I've been waiting for. This is it...
I thank you for reading.
Peace and blessings,
Christina Madry
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Dream what you want to dream
Day 80
1 British pound = 1.589 U.S. dollars
Dropping steadily and counting. I'm praying for a miracle before I get to Europe because quite frankly, until I pull a Gisele (and only get paid in euros) and while I still make money in us dollars, the euro scares me. For now I'll take 1.589 from the U.K., the best I've seen in a very long time.
“Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.”
You didn't think this was a blog on economics did you? No it is not. In fact, it's as the title dictates. It's about following your dreams. People either love me or don't know me (and you can quote me on that one). I believe the reason why is because I am a dreamer and I have a way of making my dreams come true. I am a gypsy and I go wherever it is I want to go. I don't listen to what someone elses idea of what my dreams should be and I define my own happiness. Manolo Blahnik does not bring me happiness, but Levi Strauss does. Okay, so do my Choos. Buying a house is not the all American dream to me but having a female president is (perhaps Michelle or Hilary in 2016?). A carnival cruise is not my idea of a vacation but traveling to Singapore one day to go shopping for a killer pair of jeans is - to me. Define your own happiness.
I'm no different than you and whatever dreams that you have are also possible. It's true and when we see those celebs or singers accepting those awards saying "if I can make it you can make it too", it's all true! You can be whatever it is that you want to be, or achieve whatever it is you wish to achieve, if you want it badly enough.
I used to dream one day... I have to pause for a moment to say this.
I used to dream one day of being cured of Sickle Cell Disease, and I might attain that dream. I almost lost my faith when I felt I was getting closer to death in 2006, this restored it. Me having Sickle Cell has been a constant variable in my life, as well as my families, for 33 years. My mom will no longer see me suffer, my siblings, family and friends don't have to accomodate to my illness any longer and I can live the life I was always destined to live. I have always wanted to live in Europe, in addition to attending a top school recognized throughout the world, and the very same year I am to be cured is the same year I am set to achieve both of those dreams as well. I am so very grateful for all these things. My dreams do not consist of fame or fortune, but they are just as important to me as someone with those
aspirations. And I am telling you, if all these things can happen for me, anything you desire can happen for you as well.
Believe in yourself, but most importantly, trust your instincts and always stay true to whoever it is that you really are. Continue to keep positive people around you that support your aspirations and things will work out in the end. Just be careful what you wish for.
I'm telling you, I know this much to be true. Just look at my story.
Thank you for reading.
Peace and blessings,
C. Madry
1 British pound = 1.589 U.S. dollars
Dropping steadily and counting. I'm praying for a miracle before I get to Europe because quite frankly, until I pull a Gisele (and only get paid in euros) and while I still make money in us dollars, the euro scares me. For now I'll take 1.589 from the U.K., the best I've seen in a very long time.
“Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.”
You didn't think this was a blog on economics did you? No it is not. In fact, it's as the title dictates. It's about following your dreams. People either love me or don't know me (and you can quote me on that one). I believe the reason why is because I am a dreamer and I have a way of making my dreams come true. I am a gypsy and I go wherever it is I want to go. I don't listen to what someone elses idea of what my dreams should be and I define my own happiness. Manolo Blahnik does not bring me happiness, but Levi Strauss does. Okay, so do my Choos. Buying a house is not the all American dream to me but having a female president is (perhaps Michelle or Hilary in 2016?). A carnival cruise is not my idea of a vacation but traveling to Singapore one day to go shopping for a killer pair of jeans is - to me. Define your own happiness.
I'm no different than you and whatever dreams that you have are also possible. It's true and when we see those celebs or singers accepting those awards saying "if I can make it you can make it too", it's all true! You can be whatever it is that you want to be, or achieve whatever it is you wish to achieve, if you want it badly enough.
I used to dream one day... I have to pause for a moment to say this.
I used to dream one day of being cured of Sickle Cell Disease, and I might attain that dream. I almost lost my faith when I felt I was getting closer to death in 2006, this restored it. Me having Sickle Cell has been a constant variable in my life, as well as my families, for 33 years. My mom will no longer see me suffer, my siblings, family and friends don't have to accomodate to my illness any longer and I can live the life I was always destined to live. I have always wanted to live in Europe, in addition to attending a top school recognized throughout the world, and the very same year I am to be cured is the same year I am set to achieve both of those dreams as well. I am so very grateful for all these things. My dreams do not consist of fame or fortune, but they are just as important to me as someone with those
aspirations. And I am telling you, if all these things can happen for me, anything you desire can happen for you as well.
Believe in yourself, but most importantly, trust your instincts and always stay true to whoever it is that you really are. Continue to keep positive people around you that support your aspirations and things will work out in the end. Just be careful what you wish for.
I'm telling you, I know this much to be true. Just look at my story.
Thank you for reading.
Peace and blessings,
C. Madry
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