What a week those of us in the northeast U.S. have experienced. We jumped from 60 to 90 degree weather overnight, rushing to pull out the fans and air conditioners from our storage spaces and basements. Craigslist became a fatal place for prostitutes as well as those engaged to sexually repressed medical students. Simultaneously, low flying planes in D.C. and New York brought back a few bad memories. Did I mention my alma mater, an HBCU, had a campus shooter but fortunately there were no fatalities? Swine flu in Mexico, MRSA on our playgrounds, Staph infections in the Capitol's gym? What's going on in the world?!?!
With all that's happening, I found it difficult not to conjure repressed fears in my daily thoughts. You know how it is, when things are great, you think positively and conversely, when things are bad, instinctively we can begin to wallow in all things gone wrong. I started thinking, am I making the wrong decision about this transplant? Will my sister's help me anyway if they don't truly desire to? Can I push through the pain, the chemo, etc.? And then there's Freud with his useless theories, the more we try to deny who we are, the more we become what we fear. Am I actually a weak person and just faking being a strong woman? I must be if I'm allowing passage for these thoughts!
Well what does Big Sig know anyway? I took a deap breath, got out of bed, went to the bathroom and returned to my covers. I looked up at the ceiling in the darkness and declared, I am making the right decision. I'll be patient and understanding if my sister's decide not to donate their marrow. I mean, it is difficult and painful, and I should be more understanding of their position. What are a few moments of the pain I'll endure for the next 2 months compared to the freedom I'll receive for the rest of my life? I have accomplished so much in my life despite the hurdles and obstacles thrown at me and I'm not going to stop now. It just wouldn't be like me to surrender.
Then guess what? I received a call from Dr. Brodsky today saying in fact, they prefer to use my brother. The counselor was mistaken when insistent on using my half matched half sisters. Yes, the study calls for a half match, but the fact that I have a sibling who is a 100% match will only increase my chances of accepting the marrow. I mean that is just amazing! My brother and I have somewhat of a curious relationship, but in the end, he will always be there for me. He's built like that and he's expressed since day one that he wants to help me. Now my donor situation is resolved.
I want to conclude this post by saying that I know times are rather difficult for everyone out there, but this is when our faith and belief system will be tested beyond measure. Just stick in there and know that things will turn around for the better. Maybe I just feared growing up and becoming a woman of character and strength. A woman that's willing to view things objectively and willing to forgive. Or maybe my fear is trusting my intuition even though it has yet to fail me. Because if Big Sig is what they say he is, then his theory is in fact true and that is what I am becoming.
Thank you reading.
Peace and blessings,
Christina
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
The Undefeated
Two weeks ago my life was an uphill battle but little did I know I was about to climb a mountain. Last week was even more tasking. I had a setback with my fertility treatments. My time to start the drugs came unexpectedly early. On the second day of my cycle, I was to shoot medicine into my stomach every night for 6 nights, the drug HCG into my stomach on the 7th night and exactly 36 hours later the doctor would retrieve my eggs. The drugs were not covered by my insurance and they cost $900. I missed retrieving my eggs this month because I simply could not pay that much for the medicine. The tax man took everything but the kitchen sink from me on April 15 and I did not have it to spare. Thank goodness for friends who listen and prayer or I would have been ready to walk away from the whole process.
Surprisingly, mid-week things turned around for the better. My doctor said they could donate most of my meds. They added that the company that manufactures the medicine has a compassionate care program to donate some as well. All this hopefully means I will be able to retrieve some eggs next month and proceed with the transplant after. Additionally, the bone marrow transplant at Hopkin's was approved yesterday. The Medical Director will present the procedure to my insurance and they will begin pre-testing shortly after that is approved. I also completed my plan for 24/7 care. Fortunately in Maryland I have some of the most giving people as friends and they have volunteered to help me on Tuesday, the only day I couldn't find care. Now Hopkin's is waiting for me to complete my fertility treatments. I'm thinking I am officially set to begin on or around early June.
I take all this to mean I am on my way. I recently read someone say that winning is great, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday. After the last month I've had, I foresee a championship in my midst. (Oh and I found my digital camera but still crossing my fingers for my wallet.)
Peace and blessings,
C. Madry
Surprisingly, mid-week things turned around for the better. My doctor said they could donate most of my meds. They added that the company that manufactures the medicine has a compassionate care program to donate some as well. All this hopefully means I will be able to retrieve some eggs next month and proceed with the transplant after. Additionally, the bone marrow transplant at Hopkin's was approved yesterday. The Medical Director will present the procedure to my insurance and they will begin pre-testing shortly after that is approved. I also completed my plan for 24/7 care. Fortunately in Maryland I have some of the most giving people as friends and they have volunteered to help me on Tuesday, the only day I couldn't find care. Now Hopkin's is waiting for me to complete my fertility treatments. I'm thinking I am officially set to begin on or around early June.
I take all this to mean I am on my way. I recently read someone say that winning is great, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday. After the last month I've had, I foresee a championship in my midst. (Oh and I found my digital camera but still crossing my fingers for my wallet.)
Peace and blessings,
C. Madry
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Easter eggs
I begin my estrogen treatments next week to prepare for my first round of egg retrieval. Dr. Garcia confirmed today we're all set to begin next week. Can you imagine me on estrogen? I'm staying far away from the movie P.S. I love you, conversations with men about why D'Angelo is still sexy (what do they know about unconditional love anyway) and all things Richard Gere. I'm already preparing to stock pile up on Hershey's chocolate, get my cardio by running behind the ice cream truck and locate a gay husband who also does my hair and make-up. That should keep me balanced until I get back to myself again. I wouldn't trade being a woman for anything but the estrogen I already possess is difficult enough to live with.
I'm curious, is there a dating site to match you with a gay husband? Something to think about ladies...
I also discovered my donor match which I forgot to post on last weeks blog. My mother and two half sisters came back as a 50% match, while my brother is a 100% match. This experiment involves using someone who is a half match so my brother is not eligible to help me. My mother and I prefer not to use her since she will be my care provider. Although my half sisters were informed that they were a match, neither of them has stepped forward or offered to help me. Some of my cousins and uncles have offered to be tested and have said that they are willing to help me in this process. I am so grateful to have these family members offer to be tested and I will keep you posted as to our progress on finding a willing donor.
In other news, I've had the unluckiest week of my life. The glass display screen on my iPhone broke and the great company we all know and love called Apple offers no replacement warranties on them -- a risk you take when purchasing one. In addition to that, I have misplaced my digital camera, lost my Mont Blanc wallet and the Yankees beat the Orioles once out of three games (at the one I attended of course) by a score of 11-2. Where is Frank Sinatra with some of that lady luck he sings so well about? I guess all this proves I'm still human. For a while, life had been so lucky for me I thought that I set some record.
Next week I will provide more information regarding the egg retrieval and storage process for anyone who is curious about the details.
I hope everyone enjoyed a Happy Passover or Easter!
Peace and blessings,
Christina
I'm curious, is there a dating site to match you with a gay husband? Something to think about ladies...
I also discovered my donor match which I forgot to post on last weeks blog. My mother and two half sisters came back as a 50% match, while my brother is a 100% match. This experiment involves using someone who is a half match so my brother is not eligible to help me. My mother and I prefer not to use her since she will be my care provider. Although my half sisters were informed that they were a match, neither of them has stepped forward or offered to help me. Some of my cousins and uncles have offered to be tested and have said that they are willing to help me in this process. I am so grateful to have these family members offer to be tested and I will keep you posted as to our progress on finding a willing donor.
In other news, I've had the unluckiest week of my life. The glass display screen on my iPhone broke and the great company we all know and love called Apple offers no replacement warranties on them -- a risk you take when purchasing one. In addition to that, I have misplaced my digital camera, lost my Mont Blanc wallet and the Yankees beat the Orioles once out of three games (at the one I attended of course) by a score of 11-2. Where is Frank Sinatra with some of that lady luck he sings so well about? I guess all this proves I'm still human. For a while, life had been so lucky for me I thought that I set some record.
Next week I will provide more information regarding the egg retrieval and storage process for anyone who is curious about the details.
I hope everyone enjoyed a Happy Passover or Easter!
Peace and blessings,
Christina
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Everything He Gave Me
Today I had my fertility class. I am rather surprised how simple it all seems...hormones, retrieval, freezing...oh my! I was the only fertile woman in there. When I looked around the table I saw the Powerbitch (I say with affection) dressed in her Prada suit who works 14 hour days but never made time for a family. There was the young Charlotte and Trey who were just barren and couldn't conceive, the overweight husband with slow sperm and the unlucky lady that married him and lastly the lady who simply waited too long and took conception for granted. But that class gave everyone a lot of hope. It was heartbreaking and it almost made me want to run out and get pregnant just because I could. Notice I say almost. I'm thinking grad school for 2 years, 1 year of work and then I cannot wait to unfreeze my eggs, if the lord wills it. Today helped me realize that I truly cannot wait to be a mother.
This past Saturday I visited New jersey and New York for my friends restaurant opening and his lil bro's 26th bday party. There were more black people there than I've seen at the local public library in a year. I was hosted by my dear friends Ira Kip, who is a Theatre Director, and her boyfriend, Danny Castro, who is the founder of the original and newly relaunched Lyricist Lounge. As usual they were absolutely hospitable and pleasant to be around. They are some of my favorite people to be around for so many reasons but just to name a few, because they are creative artists and free spirits. We had a good time at the party, not because there was any bottle popping or cristal toasts, no scanning for authentic red bottom shoes or celeb entrances -- just good ole' playing the wall with an occassional two-step and filling the space so my friend would feel our support. We left when the police showed up and 45 min before things officially shut down. Upon my return from the party in Jersey that night I returned to Brooklyn where I met an old friend at a local dive in Prospect Heights. We chatted for hours only to be distracted by each other's local dive bar popularity, and then I returned to Danny's couch for 4.5 hours of deep single malt scotch sleep. I headed back to Maryland absolutley exhausted thinking how did I live like that for a decade? I am happy to move on from my old New York lifestyle. It's time to slow things down a little. I must've done more in those 24 hours than my older sis has experienced in months. But oh how much fun I had...
I'm feeling a lot more inspired this week. I'm channeling my inner Martha Stewart and finally put the finishing touches on my bedroom and bathroom décor, I'm going to the Yankees v. Orioles game tomorrow (aftermoon game yay!) and I will hopefully be able to see my Maryland peeps for the first time since I've returned home for cocktail hour. Saturday I'm off to my cousins bridal shower, and hopefully I'll pick up my nephew for the weekend since the local carnival is in town. All the while I'm planning a girl trip for me and my bff to New Orleans which I am super excited about. I think I can proclaim that I'm getting my groove back -- even out here in the suburbs. The secret is being creative and resourceful. As Erma Bombeck once said, "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".
Peace and blessings,
Christina
This past Saturday I visited New jersey and New York for my friends restaurant opening and his lil bro's 26th bday party. There were more black people there than I've seen at the local public library in a year. I was hosted by my dear friends Ira Kip, who is a Theatre Director, and her boyfriend, Danny Castro, who is the founder of the original and newly relaunched Lyricist Lounge. As usual they were absolutely hospitable and pleasant to be around. They are some of my favorite people to be around for so many reasons but just to name a few, because they are creative artists and free spirits. We had a good time at the party, not because there was any bottle popping or cristal toasts, no scanning for authentic red bottom shoes or celeb entrances -- just good ole' playing the wall with an occassional two-step and filling the space so my friend would feel our support. We left when the police showed up and 45 min before things officially shut down. Upon my return from the party in Jersey that night I returned to Brooklyn where I met an old friend at a local dive in Prospect Heights. We chatted for hours only to be distracted by each other's local dive bar popularity, and then I returned to Danny's couch for 4.5 hours of deep single malt scotch sleep. I headed back to Maryland absolutley exhausted thinking how did I live like that for a decade? I am happy to move on from my old New York lifestyle. It's time to slow things down a little. I must've done more in those 24 hours than my older sis has experienced in months. But oh how much fun I had...
I'm feeling a lot more inspired this week. I'm channeling my inner Martha Stewart and finally put the finishing touches on my bedroom and bathroom décor, I'm going to the Yankees v. Orioles game tomorrow (aftermoon game yay!) and I will hopefully be able to see my Maryland peeps for the first time since I've returned home for cocktail hour. Saturday I'm off to my cousins bridal shower, and hopefully I'll pick up my nephew for the weekend since the local carnival is in town. All the while I'm planning a girl trip for me and my bff to New Orleans which I am super excited about. I think I can proclaim that I'm getting my groove back -- even out here in the suburbs. The secret is being creative and resourceful. As Erma Bombeck once said, "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".
Peace and blessings,
Christina
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
It's spring again!
This week I'm feeling a lot better about this fertility thing. After speaking with some of my female counterparts about freezing my eggs, some of them jumped on the bandwagon! Yes, being a single woman in her thirties (them, not me of course) is difficult. You don't necessarily want to rush to settle down but the chances of conceiving after 35 are slim without help. Now I don't feel so much pressure. I would never do this if it weren't for this transplant so I'm looking at the fertility treatments as the silver lining on my cloudy day.
I applied to graduate school for the winter of 2010. My top school choice is in London and my second choice is located in Atlanta Georgia. My plan is to continue with this transplant through the remainder of 2009 and begin anew in 2010. So far my school in Atlanta, Georgia has accepted me, at least I think they have. That is great! My fingers are still crossed for London.
Now that I have some downtime from this transplant I find myself bored in the suburbs of Maryland. I'm dying a slow social death. Since committing facebook suicide I feel even more isolated. God forbid people email or (gasp! dare I say it?) call. I've always been up for a challenge so that means I need to travel more in order to renew old friendships and build new ones. I'd like to take some time to visit Paris again. I have not returned since I left in 2007, but I didn't need to -- everyone visited me or left. Or maybe I'll find myself on some island sipping rum punches soaking up the sun getting my groove back. Shopping in Georgetown with my best friend? Pics to come once I decide on my destination. The spring of 2009 is just getting started...
Peace and blessings,
C. Madry
I applied to graduate school for the winter of 2010. My top school choice is in London and my second choice is located in Atlanta Georgia. My plan is to continue with this transplant through the remainder of 2009 and begin anew in 2010. So far my school in Atlanta, Georgia has accepted me, at least I think they have. That is great! My fingers are still crossed for London.
Now that I have some downtime from this transplant I find myself bored in the suburbs of Maryland. I'm dying a slow social death. Since committing facebook suicide I feel even more isolated. God forbid people email or (gasp! dare I say it?) call. I've always been up for a challenge so that means I need to travel more in order to renew old friendships and build new ones. I'd like to take some time to visit Paris again. I have not returned since I left in 2007, but I didn't need to -- everyone visited me or left. Or maybe I'll find myself on some island sipping rum punches soaking up the sun getting my groove back. Shopping in Georgetown with my best friend? Pics to come once I decide on my destination. The spring of 2009 is just getting started...
Peace and blessings,
C. Madry
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